CHARLIE GOES TO TOWN FOR AVOCADOS

"I figured we could just pick 'em off as we needed 'em."

"We should try to make something with these things."

GHOST WALK JUST AROUND THE CORNER

                         

The Santa Paula Ghost Walk is next month and Louie has already started to bring his ghost to life.  This year Louie hopes to perfect his Natty Light Scorpion story.  The story, which has been rejected in the past for violation of the product placement guideline put in place after the incident with the incident with the Budweiser frogs in 1996, features a  human scorpion that can open Natty Lights with its tail while drinking a Natty Light and tending bar with its human hands.  The human scorpion was allegedly killed during bar room argument over the true identity of William Shakespeare. When reminded of the product placement controversy, Louie kicked at the ground a few times and said, "Blow, blow, thou winter wind, Thou art not so unkind As man's ingratitude," and went back to raking the driveway. Louie's continued dedication to Ghost Walk is an inspiration to the 7H and we all wish him the best this year.

“I POKED IT WITH A STICK AND THEN . . . “

Complete the sentence. “I poked it with a stick and then . . .” to win something kind of valuable to someone at some point.  Additional sentences are allowed but entries must be fifty words or less.  This is not a competition. Everyone who submits an entry will get a prize.  If you haven't done any poking lately, you can use these pictures to tickle your imagination.  For example, "I poked it with a stick and then the metal pail turned into a turkey."

7H PLANNING COMMITTE TO MEET CONCERNING SEWER UPGRADE

The 7H Planning Committee will meet next Tuesday to discuss the much needed sewer upgrade. Upgrade advocate Helen says, “With all the shit we’ve got up here, the old system can’t take it anymore.”  Public input is welcomed by choosing the statement that you most strongly agree with.  The choices are: A) You Go Girl! or B) WTF?

WHIRLWIND MITCHELL OUTRUNS HORSE

Rumor has it that Whirlwind Shelly Mitchell ran her first barrel race this last weekend, but apparently her trusty new barrel horse Harry isn't as fast as she hoped.  After an impressive start, Shelly decided she could get off and run the barrels faster herself. Shelly's trainer thought the race went well but did think Harry was a bit of a "looky Lou" and believed that may have slowed him down a bit.  Shelly's commented that he learned this behavior from an old friend, Velvet Heller.

After showing up on the wrong day and being completely confused by the entry form to enter the time only class, horse and rider were fine and they were actually quite pleased that they had run towards the barrels and not away from them as the rider had feared.
  
Mitchell turned down multiple offers to double up in the time only category. Shelly explained to the other competitors that this may be too dangerous to attempt with Harry, as he may be distracted and run right into them.  There is still no data on actually how slow Harry is, but he did look the part as he attempted to act "Hot" while walking around the practice arena.  More updates next week. 


Thanks Shelly for reporting this story!

MARY TAKES TO THE SEA

Fed up with the one hundred plus temperatures in the canyon, Mary captained the Velvet Flyer to cooler pastures.  Her spirits were buoyed  when she nearly capsized two young girls in a paddle boat.  Andy, also fleeing the heat, suggested she may be displacing some of the anger and resentment she still harbors from her bitter loss in the costume class.

CHARLIE'S TRUCK

TOP 10 REASONS FARM TRUCKS AREN'T STOLEN:

#10 They have about 20 miles before they overheat, breakdown or run out of gas.

#9 Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.

#8 It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains, syringes, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab.

#7 It takes too long to start, and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision.

#6 The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean.

#5 They're too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The driver's side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc.

#4 The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you're being chased. You could use the mirrors if they weren't cracked and covered with duct tape.

#3 Top speed is approximately 45 mph.

#2 Who wants to steal a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance, u- joints, $3,000 in body work, tail-lights and windshield?

#1 It is hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you.

Thanks to Ellie and Lynne for this one!